I saw Howard tonight. I invited him to hangout after work, and after much deliberation, we decided on BCC. It was so good to see him…he hugs so well. Soft, unhurried and intense, like he’s waited his whole life for this moment to hold me and tell me he missed me. We walked around the pond and played with the ducks, he kept grabbing the back of my pants and telling me to slow down…he asked me “who’s beautiful” for like an hour and kept rubbing himself on me like a cat until finally we settled in a position where he was able to lean his head on my shoulder and I leaned on him….eventually he laid his head in my lap and I ran my fingers through his hair. We joked, flirted, talked about his job and school and making out and us together and just stupid things. I love being around him. He makes me feel smart and beautiful and we just work really well together and I love feeling attractive. There were tense moment tonight where if he hadn’t been dating that girl, I’m sure we would have been making out. I love the way he looks at me…softly, deeply, fondly. He says sometimes the he doesn’t know if he is in love with Karina…I don’t know that, if we dated, he wouldn’t be in love with me. Some days I think he already is.